Alternatively you can hear the interview at via the World Radio website at this address http://worldradio.ch/wrs/programmes/theconnectors/the-connectors-how-a-personal-coach-can-help-strug.shtml?34722

Wow - Now that's something to think about!! And what about the trillion dollar health industry...?!

What if I was to say "pain" and "pleasure" are conserved throughout time and space? They will only change their forms and it's an illusion you can rid yourself of "pain" and gain just "pleasure".

If you talk to an older person about the journey of their life, they will tell you that it is no easier or harder at the end or beginning. Difficulty and ease, pain and pleasure, calm and turmoil, happiness and sadness simply change form through time. Anyone expecting life to get easier will be living an illusion and be disappointed time and time again.

Your body reveals what's going on in your mind. Any time there are gastro intestinal problems, look at what is going on in your psyche. The same with your bowels - they too will show certain signs and symptoms depending on what's going on in your emotions. When angry, for example, how many women get bladder infections?

As with mental growth, maintaining physical wellness will also require "pain" and "pleasure". How interesting that some people work out to feel better and yet hurt and pound their ankles, knees, elbows and hips!

Do you know it's impossible to build without destroying your body? - No matter what you do; even if you sit and do nothing!

We each have constructive habits building our bodies and destructive habits destroying them - and that will never change. Market ploys are fleeting illusions, ie to get rid of pain and gain pleasure. Taking medication for treating impotence in men, for example, to have the pleasure of a lovely evening! Read the smallprint, however, and you'll realise the "pains" and downsides of taking it also!

So what are some of the constructive/destructive things going on in your own life? Going to the gym to work out and having an affair, perhaps, and destroying your present relationship? Body building and also taking ecstasy? Excessive spinning classes to improve cardiovascular conditioning which at the same time can accelerate the aging process. Whatever we do fanatically the universe will draw something else in to neutralise it and - whenever we try and change the form of builder and destroyer - another one surfaces.

Look at smoking.  Have you noticed that ever since smoking was no longer permitted in certain countries, obesity has gone up in exactly the same time frame?  The form of disease has changed. From lung problems we get gastrointestinal and colon problems. There’s a conservation of health and disease in your life (build and destroy) and it will automatically occur -no matter what you do.  This is why I teach wellbeing, and no longer health.

The world lives in a state of transformation. As parents stopped spanking their children, bullies emerged and as bullies are being dealt with, self harming will increase. 

Wellbeing is the willingness to embrace all the above – reality!  A world of transformation – not one of gain and loss.  Wellbeing and a balanced lifestyle is where our TRUE wealth is, not finances.  After all, it’s no use being the richest man in the grave...  Without wellbeing we have nothing.

Are you grateful for your body?  Do you realise the human body is the greatest art form in existence?  Most people take this amazing gift for granted and complain about the shape of their body, a crooked tooth or heavy thighs, for example.  Just know that no matter what your body looks like – you will always have things you like about it and things you dislike about it! Even top models do!  May be you don’t like your hair but you like your eyes, you don’t like your mouth but you like your skin.

One reason people don’t like their bodies is because they compare themselves to a fantasy of how they think they “should” look – perhaps by comparing themselves to pictures of women in magazines or showgirls on TV.  I know of one lady whose husband also had a fantasy ideal about how he thought his wife should look. After his many criticisms towards her and out of fear of losing him she had plastic surgery which proved to be the worst thing she could have ever done as it all went wrong.....

Instead of criticising your body ask how you can be grateful for it?  How has it served you?  Has it given you beautiful children?  Have your legs allowed you to walk in all the various parts of the world you’ve visited? Do your legs take you to the bathroom?  Has your mouth spoken words of wisdom and inspired others?  And know - the things you dislike about your body are going to serve you just as much as the things you like.

Even for a seemingly beautiful woman who had a debilitating stroke.  At first she went into deep depression but eventually was able to see how the stroke actually helped her and benefitted her.  She suddenly realised how her life before the stroke was actually quite superficial and empty.  It had been solely about how she looked or dressed and with whom she mixed.  She also realised how expensive and arduous a lifestyle she’d been running in order to maintain her shape and to look good, and how much it had cost her not only financially but also time wise and energy wise. When she realised that at 55 she was still trying to look 21 and it was all about physical beauty, the stroke in fact was a “gift” to her to give herself permission to love herself (probably for the first time in her life) for whom she is today!

By asking the right questions and writing down all the benefits (hundreds of them) of how it was actually assisting her in her life today and what she could do with it, she began to feel the gift in her heart and became grateful for the stroke.    You see we can alter our lives by altering our perceptions and attitudes.  She no longer said “Why is this happening to me?”.  She began to ask “How can I use this to my advantage?”  There is no loss of any trait in life, just transformation and her “beauty” had just changed form.  From the former physical outward beauty came a new set of beauty – the beauty to slow down and be present, the beauty to open your heart, the beauty to have openness towards others, the beauty to share, the beauty to inspire, the beauty to smile and help other people, etc.

Another stunningly beautiful woman completely lost her hearing owing to a virus she’d contracted.  She too was deeply depressed for four years as she felt completely cut off from the world and as a result lost her outer radiance and therefore (she felt) her beauty.  Her husband also left her.  When she wrote down, again and again, how this situation helped her and how she could use it to her advantage she realised it too was a gift!  She now knew what she wanted to do in life and with this realisation not only did her radiance, beauty and vitality return but also her finances, wealth and social influence greatly improved.

So no matter what your physical body is like, just be grateful for it and see how all parts of it are serving and assisting you.  In fact it’s not your body that causes you pain and misery, but your thoughts about your body.  By being grateful for it and its myriad of powerful gifts – you will become empowered and it will make the difference between experiencing wellness or depression/ illness in your life.

Everyone has beauty somewhere! Recognise your own unique form of it, stop comparing and minimising yourself to others and allow yourself to shine!

WELLNESS and the hotel & spa industry of the future.

What is “Wellness” and how are spas and the hotel industry incorporating this?

Wikipedia states that “Wellness” is a balance of mind, body, and spirit, leading to an overall feeling of wellbeing; a constant conscious pursuit of living life to its full potential.

Every person has a “Hierarchy of Values” – a list of what’s most important to him/her, down to what’s least important, and this is how they filter THEIR world and when they do – they miss things! They filter things that only support them and don’t see things as they are and therefore see only part of the world instead of the whole.  There will be order and discipline in the highest values and chaos and disorder in the lowest values.  Your highest values are where you are most inspired and spend most of your time, and no one has to get you up in the morning to do them.  On the other hand, outside motivation is required for your lowest priorities/values.

TRUE WELLNESS, therefore, is the integration of body, mind, and spirit and it would be wise to inspire leaders in the wellness industry to take command of the new concepts of “order without” and “order within”, and not to subordinate to the old paradigm, but to be willing to see things as they actually are and not project our own realities on to them.

By means of asking the right questions and using the Demartini Method®, people will be able to see ALL of what’s around them which previously seemed imbalanced and apparently chaotic – but which they then realise has a hidden order allowing them to love and reach their full potential and wellness.  Instead of continuing to ask “Why did this happen to me?”, they can ask “How can this serve me?”.
THIS is what will bring wellness instead of illness!  A person’s perfectly balanced mind breeds gratitude, and gratitude is the key to opening the heart.  Inside every heart is love, but their mind blocks it on the outside and puts ingratitude in its place.

Most people don’t even know what their own “Values” are - even though that is what your life is demonstrating every day!!  It’s what you love in life and what revitalises you, and where your highest discipline, reliability and focus is.

It is vital, therefore, for each person to understand their own and also those of their colleagues, managers etc, and in particular their GUESTS!  If you support someone’s values – ie a guest’s, they will treat you nicely too and will leave feeling even better than when they arrive.  If you challenge their values, however, they will be rude or mean.  Learning to identify other people’s values will bring you success at work (and in the home too!).  It reduces conflict and enables you to be truly caring.  Doing things for people is NOT caring.  Doing things that they value is caring!  Take the scenario of a couple arriving at a resort.  He is a keen golfer and his wife loves beauty and fitness. If there is a golf course he will feel his needs are being met to some extent.  If, however, there is a major golf championship taking place somewhere in the world and he is unable to watch it on tv because they don’t carry sports channels on tv – then he will feel upset and will leave feeling worse than when he arrived!

In order for the guest to leave feeling better than when he arrived, therefore, in addition to all the usual things a hotel offers – ie eye contact, smile, greeting, guest name, escorting them wherever possible, resolving guest problems, having a positive attitude, using guest names, and being proactive and knowledgeable etc – it is also important for them to feel their needs and values have been met.

For the employee to really give even more service to a guest too – it is of paramount importance that he/she also knows how each guest is fulfilling THEIR own highest values too!!  Initially they may not see this but if the right questions are asked, to link how the hotel guest IS fulfilling their values and they can come up with more and more answers until there is actually a tear of gratitude as to why they are working there in the first place (because no one goes to work for a company! They go to work to fulfil their values); - then they will be more inspired to give a better service to clients who will then feel their values have been met also, and will again leave feeling better than when they arrived.  This will also ensure maximum wellness among employees.  When an employee sees the link between how his work fulfils his values again, and again, and again – and he can’t wait to get up in the morning and do what it is he loves to do, then the guest can’t wait to get that service!

If the employees are taught the Demartini Method® (a method which some companies are now making compulsory for their staff to know and use) – it will improve performance at work, neutralise emotional charges (perhaps towards a guest, or another staff member), balance mental and physical reactions, reduce stress and resolve conflict, and thereby increase overall wellness of the employee.

Emotional wellness is also being grateful for what you already DO have in your life. If you’re not grateful for what you already have – why would the universe want to give you anything else?  With regard to this point as far as maximum wellness of the employee is concerned – how much do the employees actually appreciate and are grateful for their jobs, and how much does the company really appreciate them?  When employees feel valued – they are inspired, and when a person is inspired with what they are doing and enthusiastic working – it rubs off and creates a ripple effect and clients can feel it, go away feeling better and want to return also.  When employees don’t feel inspired, however, it weighs the company down and costs them their life and health because anyone doing something they don’t love is affecting their physiology and creating symptoms and disease, which also has a knock-on effect with relationships.  If their manager is not enthused, has no vitality and is not inspired either – then how can a company expect him to inspire his employees?!!

Another way to ensuring maximum wellness amongst employees is to empower them in the fundamentals of living health.  What is the most important thing to know about health?  Most people think it is diet.  What if I asked you, however : “How long can you live without food?....  How long can you live without water?........   How long can you live without oxygen?”!!

Oxygen is the source of all energy in the body.  If someone is feeling tired – more often than not it’s because there is not enough oxygen being pumped around the body.  Physical movement and exercise would therefore help in the overall wellness of the employees.  The key to health is energy and all energy comes from cells which only have energy if they have enough oxygen, nutrients, and avenues to eliminate waste.  In order to maintain wellness in employees, therefore, and a body in balance – encourage them to eat nutritional foods moderately, foods that are more alkaline than acidic, and drink water as water is the largest single component of the body and our brains are approximately 80% water.

In conclusion, therefore, in order to ensure maximum wellness among employees :

- Ensure they feel their values are being met by doing the job they are doing, that they are appreciated at work, and that they are thankful and grateful for their positions:

- Ensure they know how to use the Demartini Method® to diffuse any potential stresses, conflicts, or perceived challenges, and insist each employees use it on each other also so as not to infatuate with or resent - guests, managers, or colleagues;

- Ensure they know the “heart coherence” method which results in less wear and tear on the nervous system and also changes the body’s biochemical mix into one that is more beneficial to health and wellbeing;

- Ensure they are aware of healthy lifestyles (breath, water, food, aerobic power and physical movement).

As you can see, wellness is not just the food you eat, the exercises you do, or the spa treatments you have. It also includes your perceptions, emotions (which can age you if not in balance), and your lifestyle.

It may be wise, therefore, for the hotel and spa industry to begin introducing and incorporating methods to not only nurture and balance their guests and employees’ bodies, but also their minds.

There are over 4600 traits and in a family all traits are demonstrated by the family members.  Wherever you have “chaos”, someone else will have “order”.  Wherever you have “order”, someone else will have “chaos”.  There is an equilibrium of all complementary opposites in nature, in the universe,  and in the family too. Please understand this, and appreciate the family as it is! Warren Buffett studied finance, economics, and wealth building.  His son (on the other side of the brain), is an artist and musician. There is no cooperation without competition, unity without diversity, over-protector without aggressor.  If someone in the family is an intellect, there will be someone who “goes-with-the-flow”; if someone is a “party animal”, there will be a quiet one; if someone is “focused” another one will say “I don’t know”.  Whatever is low on your values will be high on someone else’s. 

Make a list of all the traits in the family and discover who is playing what role in the family?  They are constantly changing and when one person changes, there is a shift in all family members.  It is a moving dynamic and what parents’ repress, children express!

The financier and author Robert Kiyosaki was a militant, strategist, aggressor and businessman with a fortune in wealth.  His sister made vows in poverty, and led a non-violence approach to life.  (complementation of opposites).  A beautiful model may have a not so good-looking brother.  There is a constant balance of opposites in the family – peace AND war, happiness and sadness, a soft and quiet protector vs an outspoken, aggressive, and perhaps violent person.

Everyone lives according to their own unique values and whatever is high on their values is where you will find their order and discipline.

If you are attempting to fix anyone in the family – just know it’s futile!!

It would be wiser to ask “what are THEIR values?”  What is THEIR life demonstrating as this is how THEY live and THEY make their decisions.  If YOU were to want THEM to become like YOU – then YOU would start to become like THEM! 

People just want to be loved and appreciated for who they are!  Whenever this isn’t the case – the 3 Cs of negativity appear : anger, aggression;  blame, betrayal; criticism, challenge.  It would be wise, therefore, to determine the values of ALL family members and see how they serve YOU so that you can appreciate THEM.  Find out how what THEY are dedicated to serves YOU, and also how what you are doing serves THEIR values.  People just want to live and fulfil their own values!

For this reason – don’t expect peace in a family because there are two different Value Systems.  In every family there is support AND challenge, peace AND war, agreement AND disagreement, like AND dislike.  If everyone is peaceful and everything is all good in the family environment, then there will be anger towards someone in the neighbourhood, or at work, or the repressing of feelings to put on a facade!  You must have both in order to grow.  Maximum growth is at the border of support and challenge – in ourselves, and in the family too.

Every trait can be found in the family.  Look for its opposite – is it in a repression? New boyfriend? A relative? Having an affair?  Love is the synthesis and synchronicity of all opposites and that is what family dynamics are for – to maintain the “whole”. 

A supportive, kind, peaceful family is NOT ok.  It’s a delusion, and many people when young have a fantasy of a kind, sweet, happy family, and get angry because it isn’t like that!  There will always be agreement AND disagreement. 

Nothing is missing in a family either.  If there was no mum when growing up – ask yourself who WAS representing the mother?  Which trait did you feel was missing? And what was the new form?  You will have a more fulfilled life if you see the traits that ARE there and you’re not addicted to the fantasy of how it SHOULD have been.  What and who IS providing it?  It’s always in a form of your highest values.

Regarding soul mates too – if you’ve had more pain with the one, the “soul mate” will diversify into the many.  If you’ve had more pain with the many – it will diversify into the one.  What are the traits you are looking for in a soul mate?  What and who IS providing them?

Be aware not to compare ourselves to others too.  Appreciate who we are, the way we are!  There is a very helpful “exercise” to do on each family member.  Have realistic expectations on ourselves AND on our family!  There are universal laws which apply to the family too. 

A superstar will often be well known in the media.  Her opposite in the family will be quiet and at home.  A person who excels in intellect will have a challenged brother or sister.  For every extrovert there will be an introvert.  Don’t infatuate with one side and resent the other as that will lead to bipolar states.  See and honour both sides synchronously, and appreciate and love the family as it is.  Remember – what the parents repress, the children express.  Own all parts yourself, and appreciate them for theirs too.

If there is a family member who only contacts you, for example, when he needs money or favours – just realise that each person only wants to fulfil his values.  If they don’t need you to help with this – they won’t get in touch.  Be aware you don’t expect human beings to do what  won’t fulfil THEIR values!  If you were to give in to the person, (wanting money for example), and they get whatever they want, you are feeding that.  Make sure you give them accountability and responsibility for their own money management.  If it inspires you too, then say yes.  If it doesn’t, and you give money without accountability – you will feel resentment.  It would be wise if you give money in this case, to give a loan and charge interest or come up with a payment plan etc.    Make sure there is an income source otherwise it is a delusion!

DON’T RESCUE PEOPLE as it undermines them!  If you do enable them, then they will undermine you and resent it!  Make sure there is some sort of “fair exchange”.  Be integral and open, and feel free to speak up about it.  If you don’t, there will be a sense of
incompleteness which will lead to gossip.  Don’t, however, expect them to excel in an area that is not high on THEIR values.  Give them some accountability such as fair exchange, and if they aren’t earning, then have them do jobs in the house or garden.  Otherwise you will disempower them and undermine the relationship.

Again – regarding values.  Find out what’s important to other family members and talk in those values.  That way people will be more receptive to you.  If you have any kind of “charge” against someone, do the Demartini Method on them.  Whenever there are more differences than similarities, there will be resentment.  Find out what’s common and similar to your belief systems.

Whenever a young person asks “how can I get through family events at the weekend when I have a bossy mother/father?  How can I not lose my temper?”

Just remember that in any of the 7 areas of life you don’t empower – that is where you’ll be overpowered.  If someone is domineering and extrovert, who is quiet and introvert?    If you don’t want your mother, for example, to be bossy, do what YOU can to speak up!  Speak up not out of retaliation, but ask HER questions that are important to HER! Find out what’s important to her!  -  “Mum, what have you been up to today?”  “What are some of the challenges you may be facing?”.  By asking questions – you actually become in control.  Many mums don’t have as many people around them (like you perhaps), or as many as she’d really like to, and perhaps feels she has no one to open up to like you.

Whenever someone says “my mum and dad have an unhealthy relationship, and I see my mum suffering” – just be aware this may be a “vague label” and ask yourself if this is based on YOUR “ideal” fantasy relationship that you’re projecting?  To have peace at all times is unrealistic.  There will always be cooperation and competition.  There is also no suffering without the opposing benefit.  Perhaps there is no communication in each other’s values?  Has this then brought the children closer?  Remember – there are always two sides to it.

It would be wise to do the Demartini Method on other members of the family whenever there’s a situation like this.  When you do – and as you come to the centre, so do they.  If you are judging them and withdrawing – they polarise further so ask the question : “what’s the benefit of whatever’s going on?”

Whenever a mother is supported and praised by the family, and whenever the dad is acknowledged and supported at work, there will be challenges from the outside.  Any time you think you are suffering, what are you gaining, learning, or what is it driving you to do?    In fact if you as the child are the one wanting “peace” – then YOU may be the one initiating “war”.  Look for who’s playing the opposite role to balance it.

Another quite common situation is where a parent feels they have a child who doesn’t want to talk to them, or communicate with them. In this case find out where he DOES communicate!!  Is it at school, work, with friends, a book, tv, etc.  It’s very rare for a person to really not communicate anywhere at all.  This would only be if a child sees such life challenges that they go inside to protect themselves.   Whenever you feel you have an introvert child, therefore, find out what’s important to HIM and communicate in those values. This way he will open up.  If you don’t communicate in their values – they will shut down. 

In another family situation – perhaps someone feels you have left them, or abandoned them.  In this case – ask specifically “What is missing in my life?”  and then find out where it IS, and in which form is it in?  There is nothing missing!  It is just in a form not recognised.  Find out where it is and honour it in that form.  For example if a sister says she misses my communication, contact etc.  I would ask “who represents a sister to you right now?”  Who’s playing that role in her life.  (Do the appropriate Demartini Method exercise).  If the sister was expecting me to live in her values and not in my own, that would be an unrealistic expectation.  If someone is ignoring you, ask who’s admiring you and giving you time and find the benefits of that.

If a family member compares themselves to another family member, and feels they’ve been minimising themselves and not living their own dreams – they will feel resentment towards that family member.  Whenever you try to inject the values of someone else and sacrifice yourself for them – you will resent them.  Do the Demartini Method on them, therefore, and own the traits you admire in them and see where you have those traits in your highest values.  Don’t subordinate yourself to others.  The only time you fear others is if you have given more power to what THEY think and THEIR opinion than YOURS.  Remember that that is something which is coming and going, whilst you are not!  Be sure to define what the “fear” is, and then ask how will it serve you? Keep asking!  That way you can get on with your own lives.

Whenever someone feels their mother has been abused by their father – if you are labelling it “abusive”, it may be because you are not seeing the benefits of how it served you, and how it served her.  If you don’t see the benefits – it will keep you in victim mode rather than allowing you to transcend it and use it to live an amazing life!  Whenever there is a disempowered person (mum in this case), they attract overpowered people.  And if she is addicted to support and peace “always”, she will attract challenge and war.  Whenever there is a repression of sex in the family too, it can attract the attention of an uncle, father, or brother, for example, towards another family member such as a daughter, or niece.  Find the underlying order, therefore, of what’s going on!

If you are someone who worries about the opinion of others – you are not getting on with YOUR life and holding yourself back!  Do the Demartini Method on those people and take them off the pedestal you’ve put them on.  People often have idealist fantasies about how relationships and how families are “supposed” to be!  The “black sheep” in the family is to teach parents and family to breakthrough dogma!   Whenever you feel your parents are challenging you – look and see if you have over supportive friends and protectors.  Then look at the benefits to you of your challenges regarding your highest Values.   And remember - there will always be support AND challenge no matter what you do, and no matter what decisions you make in life. 

LOVE is the synthesis and synchronicity of complementary opposites and our dreams of a perfect relationship or always harmonious family life are just that – fantasies!  If we learned to expect only the realistic – a balance of good and bad, support and challenge, etc, - rather than live in a “false” world that expects too much of ourselves or others, we would feel much more fulfilled with our lives.  A balanced perspective will assist you to discover appreciation for what is, as it is, including families and relationships too.

This search for happiness and youthfulness in life is astounding.  Many people feel there is something “wrong” in their lives – perhaps in their relationships, environment, or job, etc, and often become ill as a result.  Some of these illnesses are depression, cancer, or heart disease for example, and can be called “diseases of meaning”.  Most people have imbalanced perceptions i.e. infatuations or resentments, with their accompanying rigid emotions.  These rigid and lopsided emotions are gravitational and can age you.

The World Health Organisation states that “diseases of meaning” will continue well into the next millennium to be the major cause of suffering and death worldwide.  It would be wise to address the reasons these diseases arise in the first place.

Emotions are a “by-product” of imbalanced perceptions.  A lot of people today are striving for “happiness”.  If you look at the self-help section of any major bookshop – its shelves are groaning with best-sellers like “Infinite Happiness”, “Absolute Happiness”, “Happiness Is Your Destiny” etc.  In the 1840s, the Scottish curmudgeon, Thomas Carlyle, was perhaps right to suspect that this new doctrine of happiness tended to raise unrealistic expectations and his perception is still spot on today.  Living standards and life expectancy are better than ever and a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical industry provides chemical solutions to gloomy moods.  Are we, however, really any happier now than years ago?

Expecting yourself to be always positive more than negative is the largest delusion and biggest cause of depression!  Negativity can not be got rid of – its purpose is to awaken the mind to our unhealthy expectations and fantasies – unhealthy expectations on ourselves, our partners, our children, etc.

Our body, nutrients, physiology and mind are all working together.  It is no use going to a gym or a spa to get “fit” and/or “healthy” if our minds are still imbalanced.  If we detoxify our bodies, but not our minds, we will still be acidic and toxic and our bodies and faces will show this.

Public health policies and medical science have enabled people in affluent cultures to survive acute threats to health, only to go on to suffer chronic physical and psychiatric illness and the prolongation of life, irrespective of its quality.

Amongst these globally prevalent dis-eases, depression is perhaps the most graphic paradigm example.  According to the World Health Organisation, unipolar major depression will be the world’s second most debilitating disease by 2020, eclipsed only by heart disease.  The rising prevalence of depression feeds a $7 billion market for antidepressant drugs.  Some psychiatrists and pharmaceutical companies are in league together, literally making BILLIONS between themselves whilst drugging the hell out of people for absolutely no real reasons at all!! – including many children and teenagers who are now on drugs for life if they don’t commit suicide as a side-effect beforehand!

A lot of depression is caused by a person’s “fantasy” of how they think the world, or their life, should be and if you actually look at this in depth – you realise it’s not even realistically attainable. If perceptions can be transformed,-  either by one’s self, or perhaps by Coaching,-  a totally different healing scenario emerges.

Why is it, that in the most advanced, affluent, educated, and liberal era of history, people are ill with chronic and largely incurable diseases?!  A change in perception of meaning can totally transform people and thereby improve their health, wellness, relationships, etc.etc.

Quite often people perceive these “dis-eases” as “failures”, when in fact they are opportunities to learn and grow not only physiologically, but more importantly in being and understanding. There is no thought, feeling, or perception without a molecular and chemical reaction and change in the body.

Memory and imagination (all perceptions based on one’s own individual “values”/priorities) store illusions and thereby create disease.  Part of the aging process is a feedback system to the body to let you know you are living your delusion.

Each person has about 60,000 thoughts a day – the problem arises when you believe them all!!

There is an underlying equilibrium in the world (and in all events).  Any absolute statements we make in a relative world i.e. “never” and “always”  (“he was always mean to me”;  “she was never kind to me”), deny this equilibrium.  As a result of a person having these extreme perceptions (mis-perceptions?), cells in the body are affected and some cancers can occur. 

All events are full quantum – i.e. positive and negative.  (It depends how a person evaluates them based on their own individual values).  Some psychology, sociology, and theology, impose the assumption you can have a one-sided world – i.e. happiness at all times.  (Looking for this one-sided world only, is also often the cause of infidelity and many affairs).

You might like to test it for yourself – if you are constantly seeking support (ie in a Relationship perhaps) – you will attract challenge; if you are seeking only protection, you will attract violence; if you are seeking only peace, you will attract conflict; if you are constantly seeking pleasure, you will attract pain.

Because most people oscillate between injecting the “values” of perceived authorities (ie, parents, school, society, church etc) into their lives, they end up envying, imitating and living their lives with the “shoulds”, “supposed tos” and “ought tos” of others.  Or – they end up attempting to get others to live lives according to their “shoulds”, “supposed tos” and “ought tos”.

Wellness is not, therefore, just the food you eat, the exercises you do, or the spa treatments you have.  It also includes your perceptions, emotions, (which can age you!), and lifestyle.

Coaching and wellness, therefore, would be ideal, for those who value beauty, physical health, mental equilibrium, and overall total wellbeing.

If you go to a spa and have a wonderful facial and full-body massage, you will have some moments of pleasure.  For long term “fulfilment”, however, it would be wise to stop searching for a lopsided illusion and to  balance both the body AND the mind.

(Special acknowledgement : Dr J Demartini, Dr K Jobst)

Beauty can mean different things to different people and can cause many conflicts.  There is the fear, for example, of not being quite “right”, not being “normal”, not matching the “image” of beauty – whatever that might be.  People today are being bombarded with images of what they are “supposed” to look like and many young people are also constantly dieting and trying to be thin like their mothers.  They have a feeling of “needing to conform”.  In business, many women often hide their femininity and attractiveness in order to be taken seriously.  They spend a lot of time trying to fit or mould or react against it.  Underneath all this, what they really want is to feel LOVED.
It has been said that “society is at an all time low” and that many people are a lot more unhappy than they have ever been.  They are spending more and more on fashion and beauty and yet it hasn’t brought happiness!  Happiness and feeling beautiful is an INSIDE JOB!!  Inside many people is a “judgemental voice” criticising.  How we feel deep inside about ourselves is the root and connection to our true radiance!!!  If we don’t love ourselves as we are right now – then how can we expect anyone else to love us?!!  First step – FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF!!!  Empower yourself in all 7 areas of life so you can really appreciate who YOU are, your beauty, your wisdom, so that it can then shine forth to others.
EMBRACE YOUR BODY – What labels or past conditioning is running us regarding our body?  Overweight, pale, aging, skinny, fat? – What story around your body causes you pain or embarrassment?  How many feel like your body doesn’t measure up?  -  Most!!  What emotions are running you – giving you feelings of shame, embarrassment, lacking in self worth?
Past conditioning can determine how we see our bodies and it is formed at a very young age and adapted depending on the culture we are living in, religion, the standards of beauty in the environment we grew up in.  We have deep seated thoughts which are largely negative and these thoughts block us from shining forth.  Our biggest “veil” – our “body judge” or inner critic, is constantly criticising and comparing and rejecting our own body!!

At the root of all this is a deep desire for LOVE.  We want to be beautiful TO BE LOVED!!   Our “body judge” takes this desire and, demeaning and critical, it runs us into the ground!
Are you even aware you have one?  There are many different forms. – “Perfectionist” – wants to fit into this “standard of beauty”.  “Comparer” – looking at others and wanting what they have.  “Protector” – a person with weight issues and a deep need to feel protected and padded from the world.  Perhaps she was abused in the past – physically or verbally and feels safer this way.  What was once protection, however, has now become a prison and her true radiance can’t get out!!
So where did this “body judge” come from?  Babies with their fat pudgy thighs don’t have one.”  It’s NOT something we come into life with – it’s something we inherit over time!  Think about what you are saying to yourself and ask “From whom did I inherit this?”  “Whose voice/message is this?”  It might not be a spoken message – something more subtle – may be mum, dad, boyfriend, a girl who looked at us in a certain way, a magazine, in class at school. 
- Where do these statements find their roots?
- Whose beliefs are they and where do they come from?

In order to detach from these imbalanced beliefs and allow our true radiance to shine forth – recognise where we got them.  It would be wise to consider your body as a temple and revere it.  Nurture it, touch it with oil.  HAVE GRATITUDE for your body – all parts!!  For those parts you don’t like ask how those parts serve you?  Do the Demartini Method™ on them.  Think of what’s most important in your life right now and ask how do my hands (for example) assist me to achieve my purpose?  How do my legs assist me to achieve my purpose?  Link how every single body part helps you fulfil your destiny.  If children are high on your list of priorities for example – appreciate your hands for having lovingly touched and caressed your baby; appreciate your legs for walking your children to the classroom of their first day at school.  If business is high on your priorities ask how your hands help you by perhaps typing that important email; how your legs walked you to that important business meeting; and be GRATEFUL for them. 
Whenever you have a fear of not being physically attractive – ask yourself over and over again how each part of your body assists you in your life purpose until you are grateful for your body – as it is – and until you get tears in your eyes.  How does your body serve you?  How does your body serve those around you?

FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF and access the TRUE BEAUTY WE ALL ARE.
WHAT WE BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES IS WHAT OTHERS BELIEVE ABOUT US! It’s what we radiate out into the world – no matter what we look like!
Some women may not be good looking but are so radiant and vibrant they have magnetic attraction because of the energy they hold.  I remember attending a ladies function where many women told me they had spent many hours and large amounts of money on hairdos, outfits, and plastic surgery in order to “try” to look beautiful.  When a lady walked in towards the end of the event, the whole room turned around!  Was she the youngest, the slimmest, or had the most amazing outfit on? – NO! -  She was in fact the oldest person there, had hardly any makeup on, wore chic but simple attire and had such inner poise and self confidence she couldn’t help but release her feminine radiance!

The key component is the RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR BODY!! 
What are we saying about it?  What are we putting into it and are we nourishing our bodies well or eating junk food on the run, or are we too busy to even eat and nourish ourselves at all!!  How are we holding ourselves?  Before we even say a word our physiology is showing how we feel about ourselves and the world around us!  How are we breathing and moving?
Remember – it is very difficult to change something if we reject it!!  (eg hips).  LOVE THE BODY AS IT IS NOW – BE GRATEFUL FOR HOW IT SERVED AND SERVES YOU!!   -  NOT “get rid of..” – as that is self hatred.

Connect to your own inner radiance and WALK IN BEAUTY!  Pay attention to those things that open your heart, that allow you to FEEL and experience deep beauty – a breathtaking sunset, a rose, food that has so much love in it – so much care put into it, a piece of music, children playing, - whatever it is that signifies “beauty” to you.

Close your eyes and think of a time/experience/person in your life when you felt deeply beautiful and joyful – a most beautiful moment of your life.  Flow with the energy of that joy.  Feel yourself smiling, swallow the smile and smile from the inside – out.  Notice how your body feels as you allow the smile to emerge.  ..... Now – imagine your current life and living your current life connected to this place of joy!!!
Is there anything that might be different?

Whenever you have a challenging situation, come to the challenge from this place of joy!!

What gifts might you find in this situation?

What silver lining can you find?

HOW MIGHT YOUR LIFE BE DIFFERENT IF LIVING FROM THIS  PLACE?

Susan Dellanzo
Certified Demartini Facilitator